I know many of my posts thus far have dealt with sleep. That’s because sleep is incredibly important, and it has been an arduous achievement for our two youngest children. We can’t even really call it an achievement yet, but it’s heading that way.
I wanted to touch on toddler sleep specifically because it’s also a concern for many other parents, as evidenced by the endless discussions about this topic that I have encountered on both parental and professional forums.
I have mentioned before that our 3-year-old (as of today!!!) has been particularly difficult to sleep train, in part due to my husband who insists on sleeping with him and caters to his every whim during the night.
I love how much he loves our son, but I am gradually coaxing both of them toward independent sleep (despite the exceptional rest I have been getting without them in the room).
For the past 7 months, my husband and I hadn’t seen much of each other in the evenings. I had been dealing with getting the baby to bed, and he usually laid down with our toddler and stayed there. We were desperate for more time together.
About a month ago, we decided to teach our then 2-year-old to fall asleep alone. He didn’t have to make it all night, just fall asleep so that we could spend an hour alone together in the evening.
Begin With Sleep Basics
It’s crucial to cover the basics before attempting any sleep intervention:
- Is the bedtime appropriate?
- Have basic needs been met (hunger, thirst, etc.)?
- What is the bedtime routine?
- Is the sleep environment dark, cool, and boring?
Sleep comes easiest if children are tired and bored at bedtime.
In our family, we make an effort to wear our son out during the day with walks, bike rides, and other raucous activities with his siblings.
Snacks, drinks, and using the potty are built into his bedtime routine.
His room is cool, and we use blackout blinds and a white noise machine to create an ambiance that welcomes sleep.
Although there are a few toys in his room, we got lucky and he leaves them alone! (I would suggest that you remove all toys and other distractions if sleep is a problem for your child).
How to Keep a Toddler in Bed
If you are looking for quick read that gives great advice for the various sleep escape methods that kids employ (and a concise summary of dealing with child behavior in general), check out “Goodnight, Sweet Dreams, I Love You” by Dr. Patrick Friman.
When it comes time to teach our son to sleep alone all night, we will use many of the methods described in this book like the Bedtime Pass (a very effective and research-based method for keeping kids in bed).
Since our son was not quite old enough to grasp that concept, we used a simple but highly desirable reward for falling asleep independently.
Essentially, when our son stayed in bed and went to sleep by himself, he got what he likes to call a “treat” for breakfast (paired with enthusiastic praise!).
To effectively keep him in bed, the “treat” needed to be something amazing. Something he would work hard to get. An offer he couldn’t refuse, if you will.
We went with mini cupcakes because cake is his idea of the ultimate “treat”.
This method was successful from the first night, most likely due to the high value of cupcakes for our son.
Now, a month later, he is still able to go to sleep independently (after a 30 to 45-minute bedtime routine of course), and he often forgets about the cupcake in the morning. When we attempt to keep him in bed alone all night, we may need to reintroduce the cupcake in conjunction with the Bedtime Pass, as our son still frequently wakes during the night.
For now, score a win for parents in the first battle of the war of independent sleep!
Ready for the next installment of our son’s independent sleep adventure? Read “3-Year-Old Sleep Success!” Does the name give too much away?
Also, check out “Always Start with Sleep” for more tips on getting your kids the best sleep possible!