Did you read my post on natural consequences? If not, you should! If so, you may be asking yourself “What if my child’s behavior doesn’t have a natural consequence?” What you need then, my friend, is logical consequences.
Logical consequences require a little more work on your part but are still infinitely easier than sticker charts or point systems. Basically, when your child performs a behavior that is not to your liking, choose a consequence that logically follows that behavior.
For example, if your child throws a toy, he no longer gets to play with that toy. (If it breaks, you got lucky – natural consequence!)
If your child spills her drink, she cleans it up.
If an older child breaks your phone, she pays to replace it.
Teenager not cleaning up or taking care of their stuff? Perhaps they have too much stuff? (Meaning, a lot of their “stuff” disappears until they demonstrate they can be responsible.)
As you can see, using logical consequences when possible (as opposed to symbolic or unrelated consequences such as a token system) teaches children responsibility for their actions.
For example, at our house, our children are allowed to buy school lunch for part of each month and must pack the rest of the month. Our 10-year-old recently had to repay us for the amount of lunch money she overspent last month. See how the consequence logically followed the infraction, rather than an unrelated consequence such as shaming her or taking her cell phone for the evening?
It’s important to deliver the news of the consequence to your child in a calm and loving manner, keeping the environment as positive as possible (see this post and this post). Remember that you generally want to keep your attention focused on behavior you would like to see more of, so when delivering consequences, keep it calm and simple and move on.
Logical (and natural) consequences can make your job as a parent easier, so take advantage! No need to add extra work to your day by using marble jars and reward menus to change behavior! Focus your attention on the good (and neutral) behaviors, throw in some natural and logical consequences when needed, and enjoy your time with your children!